1. You know you’ve been out of college too long when…
   Your potted plants stay alive.
2. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
3. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
4. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
5. You carry an umbrella.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
15. Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie – the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. MTV News is no longer your primary source of information.
19. You go to the drugstore for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. Grocery lists are longer than Macaroni & Cheese, Diet Pepsi, and Ho-Hos.
23. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
25. You don’t get liquored up at home to save money before going to a bar.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, sits down and orders a drink. Shortly after, the monkey starts jumping all over the place and acting crazy. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them… grabs some sliced limes and eats them… then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No, what?” says the guy. “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he eats everything in sight. Quite an appetite. I’ll pay for the cue ball and other things he ate.” He the finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s back at the same bar again, monkey by his side as usual. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did?” “What this time?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures it first!”

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Sweet Miss u

Some things are left undone, some words are left unsaid, some feelings are left unexpressed, but someone as sweet as you could never be left unmissed.

In my life

I learned how 2 love, 2 smile, 2 B happy, 2 B strong,
2 work hard, 2 B honest, 2 B faithful, 2 forgive. But I couldn’t learn how 2 forget U…

I Miss You ….

Am simple BYE make us cry, A simple JOKE make us laugh, simple CARE make us fall in love. I hope my simple SMS make you think of me. I miss you.

Missing with my All

God gave u 2 legs to walk, 2 hands to hold, 2 ears to hear, 2 eyes to see. But why did he give u only 1 Heart?
Probably bcoz he wants u to look for the other.

Missing You

I am in casualty now, don’t say I didn’t tell you. After 5 minutes, I will be transfered to ICU. Doctor told, I will die if I don’t STOP.. Missing You

Miss a Lot

My eyes are hurting coz I can’t see u, my arms r empty coz I can’t hold u, my lips are cold coz I can’t kiss u & my heart is breaking coz I’m not with u.

Miss you

I always knew that looking back on my tears would someday make me laugh, but I never knew that looking back on my laughter would someday make me cry. Miss you

I Miss U

There’s no Special reason for this msg, I just wanna steal a single moment out of ur busy life & hope I can make u smile n say:

I Miss U.

lovely wife

M: My lovely wife.
I: Is i am wrong in my sms?
S: Sex is not only thing in the life.
S: See, we have everything in our life you, me & our kids & good salaries and home also.

Miss You.. . . .

Y: You are everyting to me, my life my wife my jaan.
O: Our life is just a good enough for us. Alhumdullah.
U: U are the lucky one in my world… gave me our sweet family.
A word to say, a word to hear
Even in Ur absence I feel U near
Our relation is strong..hope it goes long
we will remain the same till the life goes on!

Nobody is right till somebody is wrong…
Nobody is weak till somebody is strong…
Nobody is lucky till love comes along…
Nobody is lonely till somebody is gone.
Missing U!

Try this ,
go to write msg,
ACTIVATE Dictionary [ T9 ],
then hide your screen with 1 hand
& Type 4164771968,
now remove ur hand & read it…..
then SMS me.

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don’t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn’t do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

When I make a mistake, I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
• If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
• Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
• If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
• If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
• Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
• If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
• If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
• If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
• Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, “That’s once.”

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, “That’s twice.”

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”

The farmer said, “That’s once.”

A very horny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have sex with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away.

One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her.

She says, “I’ll do anything to repay you.”

The man says, “Can you help me catch that damn monkey?”

Love SMS

Miss You SMS

Best Wishes SMS

My husband, a certified public accountant, works 15-hour days for the first few months of the year. In spite of his hectic schedule, he took time out to order me flowers for Valentine’s Day. While pondering what sweet endearment to write on the card, he obviously began thinking of the many hours of work still ahead of him. His note read: “Roses are red, violets are blue. If I weren’t thinking of you, I’d probably be through.”