FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Check Out a Romance

faraz — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 05:36:36 +0000

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books. After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books. “Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring,” he said, “this will have to do,” and he firmly stamped my hand. Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read “NOT FOR CIRCULATION.”

Check Out a Romance is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

NInE 9 to FivE 5 Love

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:28:10 +0000

My husband, a certified public accountant, works 15-hour days for the first few months of the year. In spite of his hectic schedule, he took time out to order me flowers for Valentine’s Day. While pondering what sweet endearment to write on the card, he obviously began thinking of the many hours of work still ahead of him. His note read: “Roses are red, violets are blue. If I weren’t thinking of you, I’d probably be through.”

NInE 9 to FivE 5 Love is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Valentine Gift

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:07:17 +0000

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend on Valentines day. As they had only just started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.

Accompanied by the girlfriend’s younger sister, he went to Harrods and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties.

The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love

Valentine Gift is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Celebrate Valentine’s Day

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 16:03:27 +0000

What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we’ll go places!

Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
“Be my valenstein!”

Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
Because you always heart the one you love!

Celebrate Valentine’s Day is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Valentine’s Poem

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:54:03 +0000

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet and so are you…
The Roses are wilting, the violets dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

I see your face when i am dreaming…
that is why i wake up screaming.

My feelings for you no words can tell…
exept for maybe ” go to hell”

i love you smile, your face and you eyes,
damn i’m good at telling lies!

my darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you really screwed up my life!

What inspired this amorous rhyme?…
two parts vodka, one part lime.

Valentine’s Poem is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Valentine for Medical Reasons

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:50:04 +0000

Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A: He gives it a Valenshine!

Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Boy: “Really?”
Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”

Q: Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?
A: Because you can really party hearty!

Q: What did the cholcolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A: “I’m sweet on you!”

Valentine for Medical Reasons is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Sending Valentine Cards

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:42:27 +0000

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Sending Valentine Cards is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

I Just had a Dream About it

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:29:24 +0000

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight.” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.

I Just had a Dream About it is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Valentine Cards

faraz — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:27:06 +0000

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged,
balding man standing at the counter methodically placing
“Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over
them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying
scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the
balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says
“I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Valentine Cards is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

THE ABC’S OF EX-LOVERS

faraz — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 06:59:32 +0000

A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.

B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.

C is for the commitment that was never there.

D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.

E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.

F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.

G is also for the spot he could never find!

H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.

I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.

J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.

K is for kinky, he always started without me.

L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.

M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?

N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.

O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.

P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!

Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.

R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.

S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.

T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.

U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.

V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.

W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.

X is what he is to me now!!!!

Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.

Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.

THE ABC’S OF EX-LOVERS is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS