FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Chemistory of Women

faraz — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 20:46:40 +0000

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form.
Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly.
Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely
good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing
agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced
hands.

Chemistory of Women is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

The Diet

faraz — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:41:41 +0000

BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz glass skim milk

LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed zucchini
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the package of Oreo cookies
1 quart Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread
1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza
1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
1 entire cheesecake

DIET TIPS
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count
if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories.
These include any chocolate used for energy,
brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream.
5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage
causes the calories to leak out.
6. If you eat food from someone else’s plate, the
calories don’t count.
7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because
they are part of the entertainment, and not ones
of personal fuel.

The Diet is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Why Women Are So Bright

faraz — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 22:13:35 +0000

* We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren’t listening anyway.

Why Women Are So Bright is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Lover Plan to Suicide

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:31:51 +0000

2 Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies. Lover Plan to Suicide is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS Related posts:Love Like SHAJAHANLove is BlindBlind guy walks into a bar

Lover Plan to Suicide is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Love Like SHAJAHAN

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:29:00 +0000

Girl:How Much You Love Me? Boy:Like SHAJAHAN Girl:Then When Will You Build TAJMAHAL? Boy:Already Purchased Land; Now Waiting For Your Death. Love Like SHAJAHAN is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS Related posts:Kids Understand LoveLove is Blind …Blind guy walks into a bar

Love Like SHAJAHAN is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Love is Blind …

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:13:42 +0000

When Somebody Who’s Deeply In Love With You Tells You That Your Cute, Beautiful, Angelic, I Agree That’s True, Believe Me, I Swear Cuz Love Is Blind… Love is Blind … is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS Related posts:Love is BlindBlind guy walks into a barA Blind Bunny & A Blind Snake

Love is Blind … is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

The Best Love Letter

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:39:06 +0000

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda),
You are my TVS SCOOTY(first love) and my AIWA (pure passion).

I always BPL (believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (better than the best). You are DOMINO’SPIZZA (delivering a million smiles) for me.

This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (seriously fresh)feeling for me. I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your mother who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (the unshakable) and my mother who is CEAT (born tough) , but don’t worry as I am also FORD ICON (The josh machine) and rest of our family members are pretty KELVINATORS (the coolest ones). If our mother say no, we will run away and marry, and PHILIPS (let’s make things better).

They will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in
COCA-COLA (jo chahe ho jaye) . Trust in God who’s always NOKIA(connecting people) who love each other. And do not forget that we are WILLS (made for each other).

Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE ?(fun fast easy) and PARX (always comfortable). So never forget me.
Ok bye!

I wrote little but actually PEPSI (yeh dil mange more)!!.

Yours
LG (Digitally yours).

The Best Love Letter is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

THE ABC’S OF EX-LOVERS

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:59:32 +0000

A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.

B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.

C is for the commitment that was never there.

D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.

E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.

F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.

G is also for the spot he could never find!

H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.

I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.

J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.

K is for kinky, he always started without me.

L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.

M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?

N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.

O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.

P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!

Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.

R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.

S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.

T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.

U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.

V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.

W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.

X is what he is to me now!!!!

Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.

Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.

THE ABC’S OF EX-LOVERS is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:19:27 +0000

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one Jurassic geezer.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend.
(Who’s really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn’t even date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s not me, it’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate.
(I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)

10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Before And After You Fall In Love …

faraz — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 05:53:00 +0000

BEFORE – You take my breath away
AFTER – I feel like I’m suffocating

BEFORE – Saturday Night Fever
AFTER – Monday Night Football

BEFORE – Don’t stop
AFTER – Don’t start

BEFORE – It’s like I’m living in a dream
AFTER – It’s like he lives in a dorm

BEFORE – Turbocharged
AFTER – Jumpstart

BEFORE – We agree on everything
AFTER – Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE – Idol
AFTER – Idle

BEFORE – He’s completely lost without me
AFTER – Why won’t he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE – Passion
AFTER – Ration

BEFORE – Once upon a time
AFTER – The end

Before And After You Fall In Love … is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS