Latest / New Celebrity Jokes Collection

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.

AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back…

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:
Prints “oh no you don’t” whenever you choose “Abort”.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.

EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
It starts by boldly stating “Read my docs…No new files!” on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS:
Makes your P133 machine perform like a 286/AT

L.A.P.D. VIRUS:
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defense”.

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan of Chopin,” said Bruce. “I’ll play him.” “And you, Sylvester?” asked Spielberg. “Mozart’s the one for me!” said Sly. “And what about you?” Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. “I’ll be Bach,” said Arnie.

Q. How come Mike Tyson�s eye’s water during sex?
A. Mace

Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?
A. She doesn’t, she eats out!

Q. Why can’t the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?
A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

Q. What’s the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?
A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair….and O.J walked!

Q. What’s white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael’s latest release.

Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A. Hugh Grant.

Q. What’s the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave stops when you open the door.

Q. How did Helen Keller’s mother punish her?
A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, “Now, there’s the biggest horse’s ass I’ve ever seen.” A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. “She’s a horse’s ass too,” the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. “Damn it!” the man said, climbing back up to the bar. “This must be Clinton country!”

“Nope,” the bartender replied. “Horse country!”

Q. What is Snoop Dog’s favorite weather?
A. Drizzle

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson

Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. “I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane…” Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was mentally insane, I said that she’s fucking goofy!”