Latest / New Funny Joke Collection

“Circuit- Bhai ye bata Akal badhi ki bhains?
Munna Bhai- Pehele apun ko date of birth bata tabhi to bataega tereku, aisehi khali peeli time khoti karta hai sala.”

“What is Ford?
Munna Bhai- Gaadi BAP aur kya?

What is Oxford?
Munna Bhai- BOLE TO Bail Gaadi BAP, itna bhi nahi janta!”

“Circuit- Apun ka Bapu bahut shana tha BAP, sher ke pinjre me ghus gaya !
Munnai Bhai- Bahar kaise nikla re?
Circuit- Waich tou lafda bapu bahar nahi nikla!”

“Circuit- Tu pareshan kyun hai? Munna Bhai- Sale mai bap banne wala hai!
Circuit starts dancing.
Munna Bhai- Nachna band kar sale, teri Bhabi ka bacha nahi hai.”

“Lady Dr- Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade hokar auraton ko kyun ghoorte ho?
Circuit- Bai ji aapichh wahan likhe na – Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am”

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit; these could be the caption in newspapers:

Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!

English Babu Desi Mem.

Brain marries Beauty!?

Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe….!? Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera…

The next version of Windows will be “Windows MD.”

Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri – the cat.

Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..

Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai…

Bill Will, Gates Wates… Main kya jaanu re… !

Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving violently all over the road. A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, “kahan se aa rahe ho?”
“Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!” slurs Kesto.
“Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai”
“Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!” Kesto says in his usual style.
“Lekin aapko pata hai,” says the hawaldar, “kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
“Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai” sighs Kesto, “thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga…izzzezze…ke apun behra ho gaya hun….hehhehe”.

DON ka intazaar toh 11 companies’ ke HR
kar rahe hai par EK baat samajh lo DON
ko retain karna muskil hi nahi namumkin hai
Kisi bhi company ki diware itni majboot
nahi jo DON ko retain kar sake!

DON ko do type ki companies bilkul pasand nahin…
DON ko woh company bikul pasand nahi hai jo kaam
karaye AUR Doosri jo paise kam de….

EK jo Recruit karne main bhaut der kare AUR
Doosri wo jo Fauran(Immediate) Recruit karle.

DON ke PM ki sabse badi galti ye hai ki woh DON ka PM hai….Send to Friend

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

1. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
1. Any court scene will have the dialogue “Objection milord”. If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.
1. The hero’s sister will usually marry the hero’s best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
1. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
1. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die).
1. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
a) pots
a) barrels
a) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
1. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
a) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
a) the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can’t remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.
1. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero’s father – killed by the villain before the titles.
a) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero, saying “Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte”, only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector’s daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain’s sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Movie Director, “Now you have to jump from the 10th floor.”

Nervous Actor, “But suppose I got injured or killed?”

Director, “Thats the idea, coz its the last scene of the movie.”

* Aik admi apni biwi ko dafna kay ghar ja raha tha kay
achanak bijli chamki,badal garje, jor se baarish
shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai

* Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do. Saheb: Kal aana. Bhikhari:
Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony
mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

* Patni: Suno ji, Aapko Mujme Sabse Jayada kaya Acha
Lagta hai, Meri Beauty ya Meri Akalmandi?Pati:
Muje to yeh teri Majak karne ki Aadat Sabse achhi lagti hai

* “ Munnabhai: Ae circuit yeh kutte poonch
kyun hilate hain? Bole to Dog tail shaking WHY?
Circuit: Common sense hai bhai ab poonch kutte ko
to nahi hila sakti hai na. ”

* Munnabhai: Are Ek bakara Talaab me Gir gaya hai aab
wo sala kaise bahar aayegaa ?????
Cirkit: Bhai Geela Hoker, Tension nahi Lene kaa …!!!!!!

Gabbar: “Kitne bugs the?”Kaalia: “Do sarkaar.”
Gabbar: “Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega …aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi… barobar milegi.”
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. “Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?”
Sambaa: “Chhey sarkaar.”
Gabbar: “Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.” [logout - logout - logout].
“Haan ab theek hai… ab tera kya hoga”
Kaalia?”
Kaalia: “Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.”Gabbar: “To ab documentation kar!

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.
They reach Ramgad and started shouting: “Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya “.
Thakur [with anger]: “Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.”
Kaalia: “Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?”
Thakur: “Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.”
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: “Ha ha… thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.”
Veeru shouts: “Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.”
Jay hits his keyboard,then says: “jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .”

Gabbar: Arey o Sambha
Sambha: Ji Sardar
Gabbar: Kitne Admi the re?
Sambha: Do Sardar
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?
Sambha: Sardar Do Ek ke baad ata hai.
Gabbar: Aur Do ke pehle?
Sambha: Do ke pehle Ek aata hai
Gabbar: To bich mein kaun aata hai?
Sambha: Bich mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar: To fir Dono ek saath kyon nahi atey?
Sambha: Do Ek ke baad hi aa sakta hai, kyonki Do ek se
bada hai.
Gabbar: Do ek se bada hai? Kitna bada hai?
Sambha Do ek se Ek bada hai?
Gabbar: Agar Do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna
bada hai?
Sambha: Sardar, Maine tumhara namak khay