FUNNY JOKE & SMS» Lawer Jokes

Excess Billing Hours

faraz — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:30:01 +0000

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”

St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”

Excess Billing Hours is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Dealing With A Lawyer

faraz — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:27:55 +0000

A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, “Well , that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.” The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

“Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”

Dealing With A Lawyer is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Honest Lawyers

faraz — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:26:51 +0000

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

“Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.

“Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.”

“But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer.

“Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”

Honest Lawyers is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Beautiful

faraz — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:23:51 +0000

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!”

Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”

She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”

His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

Beautiful is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Here’s your fee schedule

faraz — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:09:52 +0000

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule. “Alright,” the lawyer says looking through his papers. “You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months. “What! That sounds like a car payment schedule,” retorted the client. “Your right. It’s mine.” Here’s your fee schedule is a post from: FUNNY [...]

Here’s your fee schedule is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

The devil’s offer

faraz — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:06:44 +0000

The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”

The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

The devil’s offer is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Lawyers take everything

faraz — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:04:25 +0000

A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!” The defendant answered, “No, we won.” Lawyers take everything is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS Related posts:Skydiving BlindQuestion and answer jokesThat’s a real bargain

Lawyers take everything is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

What type of tracks?

faraz — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:03:11 +0000

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them. What type of tracks? is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS Related posts:Question [...]

What type of tracks? is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

Ounces of brain for sale

faraz — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:02:15 +0000

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

“How much does it cost for engineer brain?”

“Three dollars an ounce.”

“How much does it cost for programmer brain?”

“Four dollars an ounce.”

“How much for lawyer brain?”

“$1,000 an ounce.”

“Why is lawyer brain so much more?”

“Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?”

Ounces of brain for sale is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS

That’s a real bargain

faraz — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:00:54 +0000

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. “Only a shilling?” said the Justice, “Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here’s a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them.” That’s a real bargain is [...]

That’s a real bargain is a post from: FUNNY JOKE & SMS