Latest / New Love Jokes Collection

2 Lovers plan to suicide.
Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

Girl:How Much You Love Me?

Boy:Like SHAJAHAN

Girl:Then When Will You Build TAJMAHAL?

Boy:Already Purchased Land; Now Waiting For Your Death.

When Somebody Who’s Deeply In Love With You
Tells You That Your Cute, Beautiful, Angelic,
I Agree That’s True, Believe Me,
I Swear Cuz Love Is Blind…

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda),
You are my TVS SCOOTY(first love) and my AIWA (pure passion).

I always BPL (believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (better than the best). You are DOMINO’SPIZZA (delivering a million smiles) for me.

This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (seriously fresh)feeling for me. I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your mother who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (the unshakable) and my mother who is CEAT (born tough) , but don’t worry as I am also FORD ICON (The josh machine) and rest of our family members are pretty KELVINATORS (the coolest ones). If our mother say no, we will run away and marry, and PHILIPS (let’s make things better).

They will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in
COCA-COLA (jo chahe ho jaye) . Trust in God who’s always NOKIA(connecting people) who love each other. And do not forget that we are WILLS (made for each other).

Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE ?(fun fast easy) and PARX (always comfortable). So never forget me.
Ok bye!

I wrote little but actually PEPSI (yeh dil mange more)!!.

Yours
LG (Digitally yours).

A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.

B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.

C is for the commitment that was never there.

D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.

E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.

F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.

G is also for the spot he could never find!

H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.

I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.

J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.

K is for kinky, he always started without me.

L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.

M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?

N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.

O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.

P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!

Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.

R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.

S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.

T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.

U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.

V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.

W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.

X is what he is to me now!!!!

Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.

Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one Jurassic geezer.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend.
(Who’s really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn’t even date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s not me, it’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate.
(I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)

BEFORE – You take my breath away
AFTER – I feel like I’m suffocating

BEFORE – Saturday Night Fever
AFTER – Monday Night Football

BEFORE – Don’t stop
AFTER – Don’t start

BEFORE – It’s like I’m living in a dream
AFTER – It’s like he lives in a dorm

BEFORE – Turbocharged
AFTER – Jumpstart

BEFORE – We agree on everything
AFTER – Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE – Idol
AFTER – Idle

BEFORE – He’s completely lost without me
AFTER – Why won’t he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE – Passion
AFTER – Ration

BEFORE – Once upon a time
AFTER – The end

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money,
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place,
you either married it or gave birth to it!

Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

1St Person: Why is your face all scratched?
2nd Person: My girlfriend said it with flower.
1st Person: How Romantic.
2nd Person: Not really, she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses!