Latest / New Nasty Jokes Collection

Roses are groovy
Violets are funky
I’m thinking of you
And spanking my monkey!

Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit!

Roses are red
It’s elementary
Let’s ring up a friend
and try double entry!

Roses are red
Violets are finer
Chickens are fowl
So’s your Vaginer!

Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You’re about to get fisted.

Roses are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I’ve just come
Pass me a hanky.

Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
‘Cause here comes my willy!

Roses are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your top
And show us your tits.

Roses make me laugh
Violets make me bitter
You’re a dirty bitch
And you love it up the shitter.

A gay man passes by a delicatessen. Looks in the window and goes into the store. He goes up to the counter. “Hello? Hello?” A boy working behind the counter says, “Yes, Sir?” “How much is that enormous salami hanging in the window.” The boy weighed it. “It will cost you $25 Sir.” “Fine. I’ll take it.” “Would you like it sliced?” The gay man snorts at the idea. “Of course not! Does this ass look like a piggy bank?”

I always think twice before speaking. I expect it gives you time to think up something really nasty.

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” cried the professor. “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”