A mature lover went to a jewelry store to buy some gift for his girlfriend. He selected a locket.
“Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweler.
The lover thought for a moment, and replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. This way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again
A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, “Hello!”
Her face was beaming. He gave her that “who are you look,” and couldn’t remember ever having seen her before.
Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. “Look,” she said “I’m really sorry but when I first saw you,I thought you were the father of one of my children,” and walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, “What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can’t keep track of who fathers her children!” However, he was somewhat flattered that he might resemble one of her former lovers.Then again he got a little panicky.
“I don’t remember her,” he thought but, MAYBE….during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!
He sat in his car, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son’s second grade teacher.
One day an old man sat down on a bench and across the street he saw a little boy sitting on the curb.
The old man sat and watched him and saw that he was holding a cat by the tail and had candy in his hand.
Every few minutes, the little boy would pop a few pieces of candy in his mouth, bite the cat on the tail, and scoot down a little bit.
After the man watched the little boy for a few minutes he walked over and asked the little boy what he was doing.
The little boy replied, “I’m playing truck driver!” “Playing truck driver?” the man asked.
“Yeah, I’m popping pills, eating pussy, and moving on down the line!”
A couple were in thier bed ready to make love when their four year old son walked in an asked Daddy can I ride on your back, The Dad said no, when the wife told her husband it’s OK honey he doesn’t know whats going on, so he agreed. As they got in to the throws of passion and the wife started moaning and breathing heavy the little boy said, Daddy you better hold on yesterday when she did that me and the Milkman both almost hit the floor