George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming, “Dick Cheney hanged himself in his bathroom!”
Colin Powell says “Oh, No! Did you cut him down?” “Cut him down?” asks George W. “How could I cut him down? He wasn`t dead yet!”
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.
“Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks,
“will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?” David’s father thinks a bit, then says,
“No, I don’t think God would get mad.
Who do you want to give a valentine to?” “Osama bin Laden,” David says.
“Why Osama bin Laden,” his father asks in shock.
“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.” His father’s heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. “David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.” “I know,” David says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him.”
A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, “Gee, your eyes look red.
Have you been drinking?” Jenna replies, “No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?
Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side of the lake and Bush on the other. Later that day, Bush came back with 129 fish and Gore came back with none. Gore screamed for a revote.
The next day bush came back with 173 fish and Gore once again screamed for a revote. So on the third day, Gore sent a secret service to spy on Bush. Bush came back with 293 fish this time and gore got none.
Gore goes to the secret service spy and asks whether Bush is cheating.
“Yes,” replied the spy, “he’s putting holes in the ice.”
How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None — they don’t want to be enlightened!
How come the Taliban are not circumcised? It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm.
The election is over the results are well known
The voice of the people has clearly been shownLets all pull together and show by our deeds.
That we will give Bush all the help that he needs
Forget all our differences and let bitterness passIll kiss your elephantAnd you kiss my ass…