Latest / New Sick Jokes Collection

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says “Mummy, what are they doing?”. The mother hesitates then quickly replies “Ummm they are making cakes”. The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes. The next day the girl says to her mother “Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night eh?”. Shocked, the Mother says “how do you know?”

She says, “Because I licked the icing off the sofa”.

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn’t eat?

Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

Shut up, we haven’t even finished your Grandmother yet.

Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister’s guts.

Shut up and eat what’s put in front of you.

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.

“Grandma” Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother’s legs. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” her grandmother replies. “That’s my beaver, dear.”

The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. “Mommy, is that your beaver?” asks the girl.

“Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that?” her mother answers.

“From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out.”

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mom, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, “What’s wrong honey?”

“Mommy, where’s my booger?”