Latest / New Teacher Jokes Collection

  According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
                                            Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.           

                                              To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.
                                               Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers and then there are TEACHERS.

 The teacher sat down and cried. A nursery school teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing Christmas scenes. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to little Sarah who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. Sarah replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’ The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Sarah replied, ‘They will in a minute’

  After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, “Let me see if I’ve got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

                                                 You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.

                                                  You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly
with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this, and then you tell me………….. I CAN’T PRAY

     The teacher asked her class of 8 year olds to use a sentence containing the word fascinate Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my grand dad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating.’ The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’, not fascinating’. Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see Rock City and was fascinated.’

The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’ Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called on him.
Johnny said, ‘My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her bosoms are so big she can only fasten eight.’

 You have no time for a life from the end of August until Mid-July.You want to slap the next person who says, ‘Must be nice to work from 8.30am to 3.15pm and have your summers and weekends free.’
When you’re out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behaviour.

You refer to adults as, ‘boys and girls.’
You encourage your spouse by telling them they are a ‘good helper.’
Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, ‘Why is this child like he is?’
you believe ‘extremely annoying’ should have its own box on the report.
You know hundreds of ‘good’ reasons for being late.You don’t want children of your own because there isn’t a name you can hear that wouldn’t raise your blood pressure.